There are alot of things in life that we can can say...Why, oh why?. And if you are like me, then you are usually asking this question to the Lord. But the thing that I have trouble remembering is that he will answer me in HIS time, not my own. Is His time tomorrow? Or is it next year? Or is it in 10 years? I do not know.
I get so discouraged sometimes when I cant get out of bed because all I want to be able to do is walk to the post office, or up the road. And I cant. I know alot of people think that I'm not actually sick and that I just don't want to work or come to church. And they think just because I don't have children and a full time job that I don't have anything to do all day. That is not the case. That's why I am in bed so much, because I try to do too much. With my husband working 2 jobs, he doesn't have time to help me with anything and I feel too guilty to ask for his help on his day off. But he does anyways. :)
I pray everyday that I would be approved for disability not only to help out with the bills, but so I could get insurance to have my surgery. Without this surgery I can not have children. I try not to be angry that I don't have children, but when I go to church and see everyone with their babies and people get together because they have things in common that I don't have in common with anyone, it hurts.
I am just tired of being sick and tired and having to explain myself. People are going to think exactly what they want to think. My husband tries to tell me this isn't so, but I know that people think that I am just fat and don't want to work. They don't know why I HAVE TO wear the same thing every week to church. They don't understand why I HAVE TO sit in the back and leave during almost every service. They don't understand because they don't want to understand and that's something that is on my mind everyday.
I am trying to rely on the Lord through all of this but it is hard. The flesh is trying to tell me that no one cares...including the Lord. But I know that is not true. There is a solution, I just have to listen better to Him. Thanks for listening anyone who took the time to read this....sorry if I discouraged anyone with my pity party
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About Me
- Cinny
- Pennsylvania, United States
- This is the start of something new. Start date is March 4th, 2011. Lets get going!
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I know how hard life can be at times, but one verse that ALWAYS encourages me is Psalm 27:14 "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD."
ReplyDeleteEverything will be done in his time Cindy, all we have to do is lean on him for comfort and he will strengthen us.
Thanks for following my blog! I pray that the Lord will give you a special hug today!
ReplyDeleteMy momma says that life is like a tapestry, and we can only see the side with the scraggly threads. They look awful and don't make any sense, but the Lord sees the other side. Someday, we will be able to see what He does, and know that the beautiful tapestry that He has woven is perfect.