Summer 2009

Alot of neat and not so neat stuff has been going on lately. First off, DAVE GOT A JOB!!!! Praise the Lord! We had just emptied our savings account the day before he got it. It seems to be going well. We just have to get use to the schedule change. And he is aching pretty bad because he hasnt worked in over 6 months, not full time atleast. So pray for him please.

The babies arent doing well at all. Champ decided he liked it better outside so thats where he is now and I havent seen him in a week. Smoke is having kidney failure and I dont think he is going to be around much longer. OH, and we are infested with fleas. YUCK! We have tried 3 times to get rid of them but are trying something different on Wednesday...suppose to do the trick.

God Will Provide Himself a Lamb

Today in my daily Bible reading I started at the birth of Isaac (Genesis 21). Then I went onto the offering of Isaac (22). In verse 7 it says that Isaac asked his father where the lamb for the burnt offering was and in verse 8 he answers him. Abraham told Isaac, "My son, God will provide himself a lamb".
Now I have heard this story and read this story many many times in my life. But it has never meant anything to me until now. Alot of times when I read the Bible it is a struggle for me to hear what the Lord is trying to tell me. And most times I do not hear it. But today as I sat there, I FINALLY heard the Lord speak through His Word!!! I am so excited about it!!! He told me, "Cindy, if you will just give it all to me, I will provide what you need". I have struggled with our tithing lately. We have always given, but given what I thought we could afford, not what God told me to give. I never asked His opinion about it. And ever since I have started giving what the Lord wanted me to, He has kept His promise and he has provided not what we WANT, but what we NEED.
And I have learned recently that when you have a giving heart, He will bless you. Not just toward Him, but others as well. Recently a family I know needed help and everyone was quick to do so. I am ashamed to say this, but the first thing that popped in my head was, "Why isn't anyone doing this for MY family?". And that was so wrong of me. But I am proud to say that I quickly turned that attitude around and even though we don't have much I gave what we could. And I prayed that whatever their need was that it would be met. And then I asked God to forgive me for ever thinking that and being so selfish that I would not think of others before myself.
I hope everyone can see my growth as a christian. I have been saved for awhile, but never applied anything to my life until the last 6 months or so. So I actually see myself as a new born babe in Christ. Be patient with me, Ill get there...:)

Hello to all!!!

Hellllllooooooo!!!!!! Did you ever think that I was coming back? lol I know that I have been away for some time now. Many different reasons for that. Schedule changes, illness, etc. But the main reason is just a plain old pity party. I thought that in order for me to write something in here, that I needed something wonderful and extraordinary to say. Many times I have had something that wonderful to say but was too busy feeling sorry for myself to realize it. Ok, admit it, you've been there, done that. Its ok to admit it, you'll feel better when you do. Go on, do it. Now then....isn't that better?
ANYWAYS...Pastor got me thinking today in church about the blessings that the Lord has given me and the purpose behind those blessings. There has been so many. Most of them I have been too blind to see. Sometimes a blessing comes in a horrible disguise and you don't recognize it. The one thing that I particularly thought of today was the very first time that I met Pastor Mathena. Now remember, we are in Pennsylvania and we have only lived here for 5 years.
Back in 2000, my senior year, some pretty horrible things happened in my life. My father was once again abusing me and we were doing nothing but fighting all the time which led to a suicide attempt by me. After I got out of the hospital, my pastor and parents sent me down to the Roloff Homes in Texas where I was NOT put in the Rebekah Homes for girls, but the Jubilee Home for women even though I was 17. At this time in my life there were so many "whys" in my life I didn't know what to do. So instead of going to the Lord with my problems I rebelled more against everyone that I thought was out to get me. (WHICH WAS EVERYONE BY THE WAY...LOL)
Well in that home was a woman from Pennsylvania. I was already there when she arrived and her pastor and his family had driven all the way to Texas to bring her there. At that time with the Mathenas it was a hi and bye situation. Then again in 6 months when they picked her up it was a hi and bye situation. This woman is not in the Will of God now, but at that time she had told me that she was praying that God would bring me to Pennsylvania, go to her church, and find a good Godly and loving husband. I thought she was off her rocker!!!!
In between now and then alot more stuff has happened...some good and some bad. But I am just now coming to realize the full picture of my life. If I would have had a loving father, no family problems, no attitude, drug, or alcohol problems, I would have never met my husband David, Pastor Mathena, his family, and my WONDERFUL church family that I have today. Whoever thought that I would end up who, what, and where I am today? Definitely not me!!!!
As much as I miss my family back in Kansas, I know that God's purpose for me is here. I'm not sure yet what that purpose is, but I know where it is.
Please continue to pray for me and my husband. I was denied for my disability again and my health is not getting any better. Dave needs to find a full time job that he will be able to keep. And pray for us as a couple. Anyone who is married knows the emotional struggle a couple has when they are financially down and the strain it can put on someone. Also, I have gotten away from my relationship with the Lord. Please pray that I can restore it to where it ought to be.
And please don't be afraid to let me know that you are praying for us. It gives me encouragement to hear so.
Now I have shared alot with everyone today that I didn't have to but wanted to. Please don't use or hold anything that I have said against me. Look at the person I am trying to become and not the person I use to be...:)

Modesty is Everything!!!

Today is finally sat down and decided to read the book, "Dressing for the Lord". I am still reading through it, but after only 40 pages of it, I have made the decision to quit wearing pants. I have never really had a problem with wearing things that cover up your body in the sense that the flesh was covered, but pants have been an issue.
I didn't wear pants until the sophomore year of high school. Going to a public school was hard because of that reason. My sister and I wore culottes to school. Then when my parents thought we were old enough to make the decision on our own, we both wanted to wear them. My sister only lasted 2 weeks before she was convicted about it. But I kept wearing them.
I have been telling myself that Ill quit wearing pants as soon as I get some more clothes. But that's no excuse. In the book, it says to ask 5 questions about what you are wearing.
1. IS IT WORN BY THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Well I have always said..." If we cant wear pants, we cant wear, a belt, or hats, or shoes because men also wear those". But those things have nothing to do with the sex of the person and the body of the person. And if someone saw me from far away, could they tell that I was a woman? Most likely no. They would have to look at other parts of my body to find out if I was a woman or not. So why would I want that?
2.WHAT DOES IT MAKE OTHERS THINK OF ME?
You can tell alot about a person by what they are wearing. You communicate through your clothes. Our pastor on a Sunday morning in his suit and tie looks like a pastor. But at home in his jeans and sweater, he looks like a dad. Same thing with women. People assume that if you are wearing a long skirt you are religious. But if you are wearing something that makes you look easy, then they think you are easy.
3.WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE DRESS THAT WAY?
4.MUST I USE THE ARGUMENTS OF THE WORLD TO JUSTIFY IT?
This is the one that really got me. I always had some excuse for why I could wear pants. They were form fitting, they were pink, guys wouldn't wear these,etc. But that's exactly what every other person would say. Right there I made my decision.
5. WOULD I CAUSE OTHER PEOPLE TO STUMBLE?
The fact that I might cause a good Godly man to lust after me all because of what I was wearing really bothers me. How would I feel if that was my husband? I wouldn't like it at all!
Well that's as far in the book as I have gotten. I cant wait to read the rest of it. I don't have very many clothes that are modest and that has been an excuse for a long time. But I know that God will be proud of me for making this decision and that he will provide the clothes for me because of it.:)

God is Good

Isnt God good?! Just when you think that there is no solution to a problem, he gives you one. Recently I have been in a little "tiff" with some friends of mine. Ya know, we have all been there. This person said this, and that person said that. But no one actually heard them say it...lol. Well I have been praying that it would be resolved and tonight I got a phone call that I think did resolve it!
The thing that we all need to remember is that we are friends. More importantly than friends, we are brothers and sisters in Christ. And when we treat eachother badly, we are treating a child of God badly. And he does not like that. I dont think God answers the prayers of, and/or takes care of people being mean to His children. Sometimes we have to stop and just THINK. I mean really THINK. Not about what the person has done to you or what the person might have said, but what we can do to fix the problem instead of creating another one.

Proverbs 16:28...17:9,17...18:24
If you are having problems with any of your friends, please read these verses, they may help.

Happy Easter!!!!!

We had a WONDERFUL day with our church family this Easter Sunday. At first, with as many people as there are sick right now, I didn't think that there were going to be too many people at church. But Sunday morning we were packed!!!! Lots of visitors came back and even some families in town were there.

But then in the afternoon, I am assuming that most people had family waiting for an Easter lunch because almost everyone disappeared. We had about 5 or 6 families stick around for lunch. I am so glad that the Lord is blessing our church with the growth that we have experienced lately, but sometimes it is also nice to get together with just a few people and have a nice fellowship. Everyone had a great time and there was just a really nice and sweet spirit in the air. We didn't get started on our second service right away because we were having a missionary coming in. The Hooper Family from Germany came and spent a couple of hours with us. They have 14 children..all ages!!!! It was really a blessing listening to his testimony. He shared everything with us. The part that really touched me was talking about their daughter Ruth who had leukemia. And something that REALLY encouraged me was the fact that they thought Mrs. Hooper could not have children and the first few years they were married they were not able to. And for God to allow a women told by doctors she was barren to have 14 children gives me alot of hope.

Well, the Blackman girls looked cute as always, and they decided that David, my husband, needed to have a little more decoration. So they took turns putting their hates on him. In the picture Courtney is putting hers on and at the same time, Hannah is yelling, " You look like a sissy!!!" ROFL...It was hilarious!!!! Then we ended the day making cards and taking a midnight run to Sonic with Jodi, Katie, and Kate. I'm so glad that I was able to come to church that day. In the morning I wasn't feeling well and God gave me the strength to go anyways. I am so blessed to have the most wonderful church family anyone could ask for. I couldn't have had a better holiday. Unless my mom was there of course!!!!lol

Why...oh...why?

There are alot of things in life that we can can say...Why, oh why?. And if you are like me, then you are usually asking this question to the Lord. But the thing that I have trouble remembering is that he will answer me in HIS time, not my own. Is His time tomorrow? Or is it next year? Or is it in 10 years? I do not know.
I get so discouraged sometimes when I cant get out of bed because all I want to be able to do is walk to the post office, or up the road. And I cant. I know alot of people think that I'm not actually sick and that I just don't want to work or come to church. And they think just because I don't have children and a full time job that I don't have anything to do all day. That is not the case. That's why I am in bed so much, because I try to do too much. With my husband working 2 jobs, he doesn't have time to help me with anything and I feel too guilty to ask for his help on his day off. But he does anyways. :)
I pray everyday that I would be approved for disability not only to help out with the bills, but so I could get insurance to have my surgery. Without this surgery I can not have children. I try not to be angry that I don't have children, but when I go to church and see everyone with their babies and people get together because they have things in common that I don't have in common with anyone, it hurts.
I am just tired of being sick and tired and having to explain myself. People are going to think exactly what they want to think. My husband tries to tell me this isn't so, but I know that people think that I am just fat and don't want to work. They don't know why I HAVE TO wear the same thing every week to church. They don't understand why I HAVE TO sit in the back and leave during almost every service. They don't understand because they don't want to understand and that's something that is on my mind everyday.
I am trying to rely on the Lord through all of this but it is hard. The flesh is trying to tell me that no one cares...including the Lord. But I know that is not true. There is a solution, I just have to listen better to Him. Thanks for listening anyone who took the time to read this....sorry if I discouraged anyone with my pity party